PODCAST: I assure you; the report of my death has been grossly exaggerated! | On The Blue Line with Wayne Mulder
LISTEN
WATCH
Show Notes from This Episode:
EPISODE Summary
In this episode, host Wayne Mulder shares an update on his life over the past 11 months, discussing significant personal health challenges and their impact on his life and work. Wayne recounts his experience with a congenital heart condition, including the discovery of an unicuspid aortic valve and the subsequent open-heart surgery he underwent at the Cleveland Clinic in October 2023. He details the emotional and physical struggles during his recovery, including the placement of a permanent pacemaker and the challenges of returning to work in law enforcement just 90 days post-surgery.
Throughout the episode, Wayne reflects on the divine providence he experienced, the support from his listeners, and the lessons he learned about communication and resilience. He expresses gratitude for the inquiries and encouragement he received from his audience during his absence and commits to continuing the podcast, despite the difficulties. Wayne acknowledges his shortcomings in maintaining communication and social media presence during his recovery and promises to improve in these areas moving forward.
ABOUT THE SHOW
We know first-hand the struggle of trying not to take the job home with us and let it affect our families. We know the toll the law enforcement career can have on marriages and relationships. And we also have been frustrated by the lack of authentic leadership in our agencies. This Law Enforcement Podcast was designed to help you overcome the mental toll of the law enforcement career and the negative effects it can have on your personal life.
Hosted by active-duty law enforcement, we bring you two weekly podcasts. On Thursday, in The Interview Room we sit down with amazing guests who provide actionable advice on leadership, mental health, and relationships from their lived experiences. On Monday, in Morning Roll Call, you and I enjoy a cup of coffee and discuss current events, offer encouragement, and discuss practical steps for achieving the life we were meant to live. If you’re ready to become a better leader and protector on and off the job, then, please, scroll up and click follow to join us on the journey.
Go Deeper:
LISTEN NOW:
YouTube | Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeart Radio
___________________
FOLLOW:
Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | TikTok
___________________
I read your Rating and Reviews:
- Be sure to leave us a Rating and Review on Apple Podcasts and I will read it in an upcoming episode. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/on-the-blue-line-podcast/id1456545904
- EMAIL me directly your feedback. Yes, I personally read them and would love to hear from you: wayne@ontheblueline.com
LINKS:
- Get the eBook, “How the law enforcement makes you cynical and what you can do about it” by Wayne Mulder.
The On The Blue Line Podcast has a mission of creating a world where law enforcement life expectancies are EQUAL with the general population.
An On The Blue Line Media LLC production.
HONOR | EMPOWER | EDUCATE | DEFEND
Listen and subscribe wherever you prefer to Stream your Podcasts!
Get every Podcast and Blog delivered to your inbox.
TRANSCRIPTION OF EPISODE. Please note this is a new service we are offering and there will be spelling, grammar and accuracy issues. This transcription is offered as a convenience to our listeners, but at this time it is not guaranteed to be accurate.
00:00:01:06 - 00:00:23:17
Unknown
In early 1897, the little known James Ross Clemens was seriously ill in London. This led to a rumor among journalists that his famous cousin, Samuel Langhorne Clemens, who you would know as Mark Twain, was either dead or dying of a serious illness. Looking for confirmation, journalist Frank Marshall White of the New York Journal contacted Twain to see is there any truth to these rumors?
00:00:23:20 - 00:00:53:04
Unknown
In a letter which was published in the New York Journal on June 2nd, 1897, Mark Twain had humorously written back, the report of my death was an exaggeration or a popular misquote of Twain's words. The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated seems to come from a biography written by Albert Paying in the early 1900s. In the biography, Paine changes the incident so that Twain speaks to an unnamed reporter in person and humorously tells him that the report of my death has been grossly exaggerated.
00:00:53:06 - 00:01:04:03
Unknown
This misquote was then changed over time and began to use the word greatly instead of grossly. It is there that I'm going to start my story of where I've been.
00:01:04:03 - 00:01:27:02
Unknown
Cause you know it's only gonna get better. Yeah, the seasons know when you break the law. If you decide to do this, we're gonna hold you responsible. You are the only good thing in someone's worst day. That is a privilege for a police officer. At the very least, you could honor the sacrifices of police officers and their families.
00:01:27:05 - 00:01:39:18
Unknown
We have the ability to save the Republic. Gonna keep. This gun.
00:01:40:22 - 00:02:02:10
Unknown
So welcome back. In this podcast, I'm going to get just straight to it. It's been a while since I've posted, and by a while it's been a long time and by a long time. Yeah, we won't discuss the exact amount of time because that would be we'll just go with this. And heartening. However, let me tell you a story as far as what has been going on for the last year or so.
00:02:02:12 - 00:02:34:17
Unknown
I was born with a bicuspid aortic valve. Post-surgery, I learned that it was actually an unaccustomed aortic valve, which means that I just have a single flap where most people have three flaps on their or their aortic valve on their heart. In January of 2023, my cardiologist had came to me or I went to him and he said, it is time for you to quit working out, which for those of you in law enforcement know that though that sounds wonderful, doesn't really help you with staying in shape or able to do this career.
00:02:34:20 - 00:02:53:29
Unknown
However, he said you should stop working out because your risk of sudden death, well, it's increasing and that whole thing with sudden death is the sudden part. And then of course, the death part. Yeah. You don't really want to go down that road. So in 2023, that began a process of searching for surgeons, trying to decide which way to go.
00:02:53:29 - 00:03:13:19
Unknown
You know, there's always that risk that going down this road though, it had to happen could in this career. And I was not ready or able to step into doing this full time at that time. So in September of 2023, after working, as many of you know, I work nights or when we last were together, I was telling you that I was working nights.
00:03:13:22 - 00:03:41:29
Unknown
I came home in the early morning hours and had a heart related incident that led to me being, getting to stay in a beautiful hospital in Tampa, Florida. they did a bunch of tests. They did the whole heart cath everything that if you've had any heart issues, you've been through and they confirm that, hey, it is time you must do the surgery, because that whole risk of sudden death thing is becoming more of a thing, and sooner is always better than later when you have a risk of sudden death.
00:03:42:01 - 00:04:02:13
Unknown
Of course, I did explain to them that everyone who is alive has a risk of sudden death, but they weren't having it. So that led last October 2023. to me, going to the Cleveland Clinic in Ohio, one of the top rated, hospital groups for this surgery and had open heart surgery. And that was the full cut open.
00:04:02:18 - 00:04:27:29
Unknown
We're going to cut you from here to here, and we're going to, you know, floppy open, go in there, do a few things, do a little plumbing, if you would, and go from there. Given my age, I didn't qualify for something known as a tava. If you have grandparents past with parents, who have had heart surgery, heart valve replacement surgery these days, they have probably had, if they're older, something called a tava.
00:04:28:02 - 00:04:49:15
Unknown
And that's pretty much a trans catheter. where they go in through the growing and they pop the new one in, it's much less invasive. And there isn't all this chopping the open thing. However, those have those the studies are changing. They have an extremely short shelf life. So the younger you are, the less likely you are able to have that surgery.
00:04:49:15 - 00:05:13:01
Unknown
And that was me. So I got to get the full cut open. And then we're going to piece you back together part. Unfortunately, while they were inside my heart and doing the surgery, the what the surgeon described as looking like squeezing tube, squeezing toothpaste from the tube is essentially what the inside of my heart look like. Something that test and so forth had never they hadn't seen.
00:05:13:04 - 00:05:37:14
Unknown
So this led to what you call a heart block. And so that led to, coming out of surgery and, being put on temporary pacemaker when I was in cardiac ICU, which I got to hang out for, more than a week. that was a time, in fact, in truth, it was a week of very strong emotional ups and emotional downs and some very dark moments.
00:05:37:14 - 00:06:08:17
Unknown
And someday I will hopefully be in a place that I can talk about it. And maybe I can tell you some things that will help you. But it was a very discouraging, very dark moment of the last year. But a permanent pacemaker was put in and the healing process began. And after approximately 15, 20 days, somewhere in there, finally got out of the hospital and finally, eventually made it back to the state of Florida and started that recovery process.
00:06:08:20 - 00:06:30:21
Unknown
After 90 days, I went back to work in the law enforcement career. I do not suggest doing it that fast if you ever have to have the surgery, especially if you are an agency that wears the over, carrier. Really just a vest in general. But the over carriers, anything that's putting stress on your shoulders 90 days is way too dang fast.
00:06:30:24 - 00:06:51:04
Unknown
Unfortunately, because of my situation. And, just where I was at from financial aspects and so forth that I didn't have a choice and I had to be back in 90 days. And by the grace of God, I made it back in 90 days. Now, this will also be a topic of a future podcast because it's something we can do better as a profession.
00:06:51:07 - 00:07:18:17
Unknown
to go through something like this and essentially have to be back that fast when you're in no way ready, is just not good. so that's something that I will certainly address in the future, and maybe we'll bring on some, experts or some people who have a lot of knowledge in that area. But it would be a mistake for you to hear my story and or my breakdown of everything that has occurred over the last year, and think that it is some woe is me diatribe.
00:07:18:17 - 00:07:36:16
Unknown
In fact, I wanted to start with this conversation because the opposite is actually true. In fact, there were signs all the way through this thing of divine providence. In fact, starting with the entire delay in the beginning, like I said, it was early 2023 where I was told, hey, it is time you got to get this surgery done.
00:07:36:18 - 00:07:56:21
Unknown
And yet it was months before that came together just through a myriad of dealing with the medical establishment. As as many of you know, it can be quite the headache. And if you, just deal with people in general, it can be a headache. Well, that ended up being a blessing because I would not have been able to go to Cleveland Clinic with my standard insurance.
00:07:56:23 - 00:08:20:25
Unknown
And in that time period, another insurance possibility came on, something called surgery. Plus that if your agency or your work offers I. I can't say enough good things about them. They absolutely an amazing program. But that amazing program, opened the door that allowed me to go to Cleveland Clinic. And that is probably why I'm alive here to, tell you this story.
00:08:21:00 - 00:08:44:21
Unknown
And then the other part of it is, is it saved me an unbelievable amount of money and kept from bankrupting our family and allowed us to concentrate on getting back to normal, if you would, though that process has taken, nearly a year. But, though, as I stated already, being back to work in 90 days, that was way too early.
00:08:44:23 - 00:09:05:01
Unknown
But by God's grace, I was able to get back in 90 days. So it would be wrong to not also count that in the blessing category, because it was a miracle that I was able to hit the bare minimum and get a doctor to sign off and get me back. And had that not happened, I would have been in just a horrible position, in general.
00:09:05:01 - 00:09:28:17
Unknown
So for that to have happened was just, a miracle. And then some other miracles occurred as well. And, where, where I work though, I never discuss where. But as you know, I'm in this profession where I work, we have a mandatory fitness requirement. Essentially, it's one of those you're going to pass it year over year, and there is a little bit of like 90 days or whatever the policy is, but you have a period of time that you have pass it.
00:09:28:24 - 00:09:58:26
Unknown
And if not, thou shalt go find a new job is essentially how that works. So this happened to correspond with a series of years that they are changing the process, not the requirement, but the process by which it will be administered. And so that actually bought me a few years of where it wasn't mandatory. And I can tell you that that in and of itself was a miracle as well, because again, there is no way after coming back in 90 days, I though obviously I can do the basics of it.
00:09:58:26 - 00:10:24:16
Unknown
To have had the mandatory requirement would have probably been suboptimal. Will say and so on and on throughout this entire process, throughout this entire year, though, I feel bad that I'm just now bringing you guys up to speed there. There's been a hand of Providence through it all. So what about the podcast? Well, you have me now, but beyond that, thank you.
00:10:24:18 - 00:10:41:22
Unknown
Thank you to all of those. In fact, I just got to interact with someone last night. Thank you to all of those who reached out and wanted to know what happened. I really appreciate that. And I tell you, you are the primary reason why I keep coming back to this. If I never heard from anybody, I can tell you I would not do this.
00:10:41:22 - 00:11:00:19
Unknown
I don't do it for me. I do not do this as a hobby. I have hobbies, there are all sorts of things I love to do that are hobbies. This is not one of them. I enjoy doing it. I love doing this. And it's something that, you know, they say if you if you would do it for free, which I have,
00:11:00:21 - 00:11:32:09
Unknown
And you'll do it forever, you know, even then you never work a day in your life. Or however the saying goes. Well, that that is true. And I do love this. However, in and of itself, as a hobby, there's other things I would do if it wasn't benefiting people, if I wasn't getting feedback, if I wasn't hearing some of these positive stories on how it made their day, or helped them with this problem or that problem, or helped them see something differently, I would absolutely not spend the time that it takes to do this, because there's a huge misnomer or huge misunderstanding.
00:11:32:09 - 00:11:47:26
Unknown
If you've never done it, that it is as simple as recording yourself and throwing it out on the internet. I wish it was that easy, but if you want to do it in a way that hopefully people enjoy and you want to go over important topics, there's a lot of planning that goes into it, editing and so forth and so on.
00:11:47:26 - 00:12:05:00
Unknown
And I'm not going to bore you with all the back end stuff. Just know that I only do this for you. You have my word. That being said, I've wanted to quit more times than I can count. Yeah, I don't have enough fingers. Pull out some toes here. Yeah. There's no way that I can tell you how many times I've wanted to quit in this process.
00:12:05:02 - 00:12:26:25
Unknown
But you have my word. As I had said before, and we've been doing this since 2019, that as long as I have a voice and I am alive, and I believe that this is what I'm supposed to be doing, you have my word that I will get these out when I am able. I'm hoping that that will always be more consistent than it is, but when I am able is the best I can promise at this point.
00:12:26:28 - 00:12:47:28
Unknown
So what are some of the mistakes? What are some of the things that I learned over this last year? Well, number one is communication, email, social media I suck at it. Horrible, horrible horrible horrible. And for that I apologize. I've got to get better at it. I know I've got to get better at it. I've been working on it.
00:12:47:28 - 00:13:06:12
Unknown
Does that count? Does that count for anything? I hope that counts for something, please. But I've got to get better at the communication. And I know that in some of the darkest moments of this journey, I just quit answering emails. I quit doing that. Anybody's listen to me for any length of time knows I hate social media. In fact, I take the social out of social media.
00:13:06:15 - 00:13:33:22
Unknown
So, I stop putting stuff out on social media and that's my fault. I didn't invite you along on the journey, and that probably could have helped some of you that probably could have given you some insights, seeing some of those dark days, seeing some of those challenges. It's just not naturally what I do. my, I, my personality, my way of when things are going horribly off the rails, which would be one way to describe this last year.
00:13:33:25 - 00:13:53:17
Unknown
In that moment, it's very typical for me to internalize, to go into dive. I think that's common with writers. I think that's common with people who do any kind of creative task artist and so forth. It comes out through your art, but it's very difficult to say, hey everybody, come check out what I got going on over here.
00:13:53:20 - 00:14:17:15
Unknown
That's just not our natural inclination. And it certainly is not my natural inclination. And for that I apologize. I should have and that's one of the lessons that I learned. Right? You know, we either get better or we learn. And that's where I'm at right now. There are things that this year that I could have done better. And I'm admitting that to you in hopes that as we go forward, I will do a better job in each of these areas.
00:14:17:17 - 00:14:36:28
Unknown
Also along those lines, if you did reach out to me and I haven't replied, you have my word. I will reply to you, provided I got it. So there is always this technology side that maybe, in fact, one of the messages that came through, I think it was Instagram was actually, I don't know, in some folder. It wasn't in like a general folder or my primary folder in some other folder.
00:14:37:00 - 00:14:54:21
Unknown
Listen, I am not an expert on some of these things. Again, the whole will try to get better part start there. However, if it was as simple as I have your message, I just haven't replied. You have my word, I will reply. And again I apologize. It's just going to take me some time to dig out, the other lesson.
00:14:54:21 - 00:15:22:26
Unknown
The other thing that I could have learned through this is I should have come back sooner, but I would be a liar if I didn't admit that. Honestly. though maybe not in the clinical sense. The depression has definitely been a battle this year. feelings of uncertainty. And then there's always that unworthiness, this doubt that comes anytime you try to do a creative venture like this, where you want to tell people about your struggles and you know, what you're working on and all that.
00:15:22:26 - 00:15:39:16
Unknown
Well, it's really easy when things are going well to come to you and say, hey, these are the great things that are happening. Isn't it a beautiful day? The sun is shining, the world is great. It's a little bit harder when it's like, I don't know if I'm still going to have a job, and if I don't have a job, I may not afford the internet.
00:15:39:16 - 00:15:57:19
Unknown
And if I can't afford the internet, you might not get a podcast. It's real. So that's something that I can do better. But what I can assure you is that I have the same struggles that you have, partially because we happen to both be human, and if you're not human, then I definitely want to meet you, because I got a whole nother idea of what we can talk about.
00:15:57:19 - 00:16:16:18
Unknown
So then definitely reach out. But that is what the mistakes is. I should have brought you all along on the journey, because sometimes it takes that community just like we talk about all the time. And yes, I can talk about something and be and it can be a great idea. And I myself don't even take my own advice.
00:16:16:18 - 00:16:42:06
Unknown
So for what it's worth, we live and we learn. So what's the future, right? What's next? So the future I, Wing Mulder, will be doing something in the podcasting, speaking, so called influencing. Whatever you want to call this space. For as long as I know I'm helping at least one person. And as long as God keeps me on this green earth, if I'm not on the earth, it's going to be much harder to do.
00:16:42:06 - 00:17:05:13
Unknown
It's just the reality of it. But that doesn't mean there may not be some changes. There might be some name changes. In fact, I'm thinking a few different ideas. I might just throw them out on social media, get your guys's feedback. But just some things to where I think the focus needs to go from here, because I think we're getting bogged down a little bit and, you know, hey, it's a mental health, podcast or it's a law enforcement podcast.
00:17:05:13 - 00:17:22:13
Unknown
And yeah, that that is true in some broad strokes. I am wing, I work in law enforcement, and that is something I can speak from, but I don't know that really that is the direction that we're headed here. So, some of that's going to come out and definitely I want to get your ideas and thoughts as we go along this.
00:17:22:13 - 00:17:45:28
Unknown
But I assure you that for as long as that I can do something in this space, I will do something in this space until I'm allowed to go in a different direction. Another thing when we talk about the future is this whole vow that started this conversation as I went with a bovine that would be cow. For those of you who, are not sure what that word means, but I went with a bovine bio valve so it has this shelf life.
00:17:45:28 - 00:18:08:07
Unknown
I did not go with mechanical valve because the mechanical valves, all require a lifelong anticoagulation drugs. So especially in a career where you can get shot, stabbed, punched, etc.. I didn't want to do that. Now, I've since spoken to others who have and have done just fine. So maybe, you know, we live and learn right back to the back to the theme of today's conversation.
00:18:08:10 - 00:18:29:10
Unknown
But that was something I had to, make a decision on. And so I went with the bovine valve. The problem is, is that they have a shelf life and some estimates the younger you are. Which, believe it or not, I'm considered young by these standards, which. Okay, but it can be as low as seven years and it can be as much as like 20, 25 years.
00:18:29:10 - 00:18:58:16
Unknown
So in a word, this is called uncertainty. I don't know, some in some ways it's motivating because I am more motivated than ever to turn this hobby again. See the whole point? Not a hobby, into a business, as I have been trying to do. And so there's also, though, that constant nagging and uncertainty and fear and again, that feeling of unworthiness when you're dealing with something that it's like, well, how many years?
00:18:58:16 - 00:19:15:22
Unknown
And I may have to go through the surgery again and what's next? And so forth. So, so what are the takeaways? Right. What what where does all this leave us? You and I, you who are sitting here or standing here or running or walking in the gym, you and I, we'll just go with that. More content is coming.
00:19:15:22 - 00:19:37:24
Unknown
You have my word. I am hoping that we will have a full launch by September by the week of September 1st. However, as always, I am literally taking it one minute at a time while trying to improve in each of these areas. Another takeaways. This year has taught me more than ever to think in this concept of what would you do if you only had two years to live?
00:19:37:26 - 00:19:58:27
Unknown
So I've been listening to a lot of content content lately by Dan Martell and Ed. My those guys are amazing. I would highly recommend, listening to them if you don't already, but given their numbers, you probably do. And they've really kind of helped me zero into this, this question and the potential answers, though I hope God gives me much, much more time than two years.
00:19:58:27 - 00:20:15:22
Unknown
And at least as far as my heart, all indications are that he has or will. But it's still a great orienting question. The reason that such an important question would the two years. What would you do if you only had two years left to live? Why does that matter? Well, it's a long enough time frame that you don't come up simply with the answer.
00:20:15:22 - 00:20:31:26
Unknown
Well, I would just have dinner with my family, my friends, the kids, we'd all sit here. It's kind of like the in seeing of don't look up, which is very ironic, by the way, where when the world is ending and the, the house is about to disappear for all time, they're actually sitting around having dinner with the family.
00:20:31:26 - 00:20:47:24
Unknown
I think it's one of those moments that maybe Hollywood didn't realize what they were saying, that the most important thing was the family. An ironic twist for Hollywood when they're trying to make a, green agenda movie. But anyway, I digress, but that is the answer you typically get. What would you do if you had five minutes left to live?
00:20:47:24 - 00:21:09:27
Unknown
Well, obviously it's going to be very confined. What's great about the two year question is it's long enough to do more than sit here saying Kumbaya and hold hands with the people that are most important to you. It's enough time for travel. It's enough time for including, obviously, prioritizing family, but also for doing other things. Maybe. What can I do?
00:21:09:28 - 00:21:31:25
Unknown
You start thinking about legacy. Maybe it's starting a business, maybe it's changing careers. Maybe it's more. If I had two years left to live, I wouldn't be doing this job anymore. Well, that that's something, right? That that is something that you can do. So all the above become part of that totality of living intentionally. Intentionally living with intentionality.
00:21:32:02 - 00:21:54:23
Unknown
That is what I want to encourage you to do. So what would you do if you only had two years left to live? I know it's morbid. I know nobody ever wants to think about the fact that they will die. But last I checked, we have a 100% mortality rate among humans. Yep. I'm being. I am reliably informed it has remained consistent.
00:21:54:23 - 00:22:14:24
Unknown
It's still 100%. So I hate to break it to you, but it's going to happen one day. Not today, hopefully not tomorrow, and hopefully not for a very long time, decades and decades. But think about what would you do if your actions were? What would make a difference if you only had two years left to live?
00:22:15:03 - 00:22:38:28
Unknown
So that's the thought I want to leave you with this week. You know. What would you do if you knew you only had two years left to live? What would you do differently? What would you do? The same that. Just think about it. And I hope that, that my story and my journey, it helps you and that you'll come along for more content as I rebuild this and maybe tell others and invite them to join us.
00:22:39:01 - 00:22:51:03
Unknown
Lastly, I want to assure you that the reports of my death were and are greatly exaggerated. Have a great week! I'll see you next week in the podcast. But in the meantime, I'm going to see you out there on the blue line.