PODCAST: Building stronger families through a Digital Detox with Molly DeFrank | THE INTERVIEW ROOM | Episode 052
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Building stronger families through a Digital Detox with Molly DeFrank | THE INTERVIEW ROOM | Episode 052
Molly DeFrank
Meet this Weeks Guest: Molly DeFrank
Molly DeFrank is the author of Digital Detox: The Two-Week Tech Reset for Kids. She helps free families from their addictions to devices. She has a degree in international relations and worked as a press aide for former California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. These days, she is a stay-at-home mom and foster mom to six kids ages twelve and under.
Show Notes from This Episode
The On The Blue Line Podcast and Community has the mission of Empowering Cops in their personal lives and educating the public on the realities of law enforcement. This law enforcement podcast is focused on providing concepts, ideas, and actionable steps that can make a difference in your life. The morning roll call is a weekly monologue show with Wayne Mulder. The Interview Room podcast is an interview style format hosted by Wayne Mulder.
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CONNECT with Molly:
WEBSITE: https://mollydefrank.com
INSTAGRAM: @mollydefrank
FACEBOOK: @MollyDeFrank
LINKEDIN: @MollyDeFrank
LINKS discussed:
Topics we discuss:
· Technology
· Digital Detox
· Guiding Family Principles
· Family Mission Statement
· Family Game night
· Becoming a Bookworm
· Raising Children
· Faith
Molly Answers:
1. Is technology the problem when it comes to kids?
2. Can any child be a bookworm?
3. And what are Guiding Family Principles?
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TRANSCRIPTION OF EPISODE. Please note this is a new service we are offering and there will be spelling, grammar and accuracy issues. This transcription is offered as a convenience to our listeners, but at this time it is not guaranteed to be accurate.
00:00:04:19 - 00:00:07:08
Wayne Mulder
Welcome
00:00:10:03 - 00:00:28:05
Wayne Mulder
So welcome my friends, to the On the Blue Line podcast with Wayne Mulder, I am your host. This is a law enforcement podcast. And here we discuss topics that will empower you on and off the job. Maybe you're tired, you're frustrated, maybe you're feeling overworked, struggling to find balance with home and work life, or maybe you simply need some encouragement.
00:00:28:11 - 00:00:50:16
Wayne Mulder
Then you've come to the right place. Be sure to listen all the way to the end of today's episode. That way you can learn is technology the problem when it comes to kids? Can it? Can any child be a bookworm? And what are guiding family principles if you're just finding us? Welcome. We have two weekly podcast. The one you're listening to right now is the interview room.
00:00:51:00 - 00:01:08:21
Wayne Mulder
This is a weekly interview show that releases every Thursday and 0500 and I sit down with guests from all walks of life who can offer something beneficial that will help us in our personal lives. The other podcast is called Morning Roll Call, which comes out every Monday at 5:00 and that's a weekly monologue show in there. You and I just sit down.
00:01:08:21 - 00:01:35:08
Wayne Mulder
We discuss the news, we discuss current events, law enforcement trends and a variety of other topics here. Recently, it's all been holiday and Christmas related. That gives you something to consider as you get ready to start your week. Oh shows. They're released on almost all podcast platforms and every episode is available on video, on YouTube and Rumble. And the easy way to see everything that's going on is to always just go to OnTheBlueLine.com.
00:01:35:08 - 00:01:58:07
Wayne Mulder
So as I mentioned in a couple of the recent episodes, you're going to see some changes. Even this format to the beginning and so forth is going to keep evolving a little bit because I'm working with a marketing company and some others who are hopefully going to help get this podcast to the next level. So hopefully you, because you are the most important component of all this, are enjoying it and I would love to get your feedback.
00:01:58:07 - 00:02:14:17
Wayne Mulder
So definitely be sure to keep in touch with us and just let us know what you think as we continue to evolve to try to bring you the not only best information that's out there, but information that's going to be meaningful and help make a difference in your life. So let me tell you a little bit about this week's guest, this week's interview.
00:02:14:17 - 00:02:50:13
Wayne Mulder
It's a little bit of out of left field. However, the goal of this podcast since the very beginning has always been about helping law enforcement officers in their lives outside the job. I know many of my coworkers, they're starting families and have pre-teen teenage children, little children. So when I heard about this week's guest, I thought, given what that is an important topic, this whole conversation around technology for parents to at least consider the role of technology in their children's lives and I know it was a big part of parenting and is even my son's an adult now and it's still something that comes up from time to time.
00:02:50:13 - 00:03:08:24
Wayne Mulder
So it is an important conversation that I know parents have a lot of questions about. And I thought, well, this is something that certainly could help each and every one of us. The other thing is, is that here we are, we're ten days out from Christmas. Yes, I know. Ten days out. If you're listening to this on the day it released, I can't believe it's almost here.
00:03:09:09 - 00:03:30:09
Wayne Mulder
And many of the kids will be off for Christmas break. And what better time to start considering some of the principles that this week's guest discusses and the results that she had with her children? So this week's guest is Molly DeFrank. She's the author of Digital Detox, The two week tech reset for Kids. She helps free families from their addiction to devices.
00:03:30:18 - 00:03:51:21
Wayne Mulder
She has a degree in international relations and worked as a press aide for former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. These days, she's a stay at home mom and foster mom to six kids, ages 12 and under. And let me just get this out front and make sure we're all on the same page. Molly does not dislike technology. She doesn't hate technology.
00:03:52:02 - 00:04:13:00
Wayne Mulder
And you're going to see that as we go through this. It really honestly, what this conversation is all about is getting back to the family, being together. And that's the important overwhelming story to what she tells us. And I know you're going to enjoy it. So without taking any more time, here is this week's guest, Molly DeFrank. Well, Molly, welcome to the show.
00:04:13:17 - 00:04:14:22
Molly DeFrank
Hey, Wayne. Thanks for having me.
00:04:15:04 - 00:04:32:21
Wayne Mulder
Absolutely. I'm so glad we get to sit down and do this. As I told the listeners in the intro, this is going to be a little different than our typical law enforcement conversations. But I think it is so important because we so many of the listeners like myself, we're parents, we've been parents going to be parents. And this is such an important conversation.
00:04:32:21 - 00:04:33:24
Wayne Mulder
So thank you for coming on.
00:04:34:17 - 00:04:40:05
Molly DeFrank
Thanks for having me. I have so much respect for our law enforcement community, so it's a privilege to be here.
00:04:40:14 - 00:04:54:09
Wayne Mulder
Well, thank you so much. Well, let's get to the get to know your questions. I do want to tell the listeners what we're going to be discussing today is your book, Digital Detox, The Two Week Reset for Kids. But before we get to that and all the good stuff that's in there, let's get to the get to know your questions.
00:04:54:09 - 00:04:58:15
Wayne Mulder
I like to ask my guest. So the difficult one right off the bat, Coffee or tea?
00:04:59:12 - 00:05:00:10
Molly DeFrank
Black coffee.
00:05:01:05 - 00:05:08:16
Wayne Mulder
That is it. That is the right answer. I'm very proud. So do you have a favorite place to have that cup of coffee?
00:05:09:10 - 00:05:13:23
Molly DeFrank
Oh, probably at my dining room table. Very early in the morning before the kids are awake.
00:05:14:13 - 00:05:17:10
Wayne Mulder
Does that moment of peace and rest that.
00:05:17:22 - 00:05:19:12
Molly DeFrank
Yeah. Calm before the storm?
00:05:19:21 - 00:05:23:04
Wayne Mulder
Yes. Do you have a best or worst travel story?
00:05:24:14 - 00:05:45:21
Molly DeFrank
Oh, man. You know, my husband and I try and take a kid free vacation at least twice a year. Just a little weekend getaway. So those are the ones that come to mind. We live in California loving Santa Barbara. They all sort of morph together in little glimpses of paradise and serenity. We have six kids, so, yes, they're sort of all lumped together.
00:05:45:21 - 00:05:48:08
Molly DeFrank
But yeah, those are their best. They're the best ones.
00:05:49:02 - 00:06:01:10
Wayne Mulder
That's awesome. What about a favorite or most meaningful book, preferably a more modern book? Obviously the Bible or some of the more bigger ones up there. But do you have a meaningful book?
00:06:01:10 - 00:06:18:05
Molly DeFrank
Yeah. You know what we're moving into? My oldest is in junior high right now. We've had teenagers in and out of our home through foster care because we're foster brand into the book. The first one that came to mind is when I'm in the middle of reading right now, it's called Feeding the Mouth that bites you. And it's about parenting teenagers.
00:06:19:02 - 00:06:22:17
Molly DeFrank
And it's a really great book. It's like, it's awesome. I recommend it.
00:06:23:08 - 00:06:39:06
Wayne Mulder
Perfect. I will definitely have to check that one out and I'll link it up in the show notes for the listeners as well. All right. The last of these type questions. What is your favorite place or the place that brings you the most peace, that favorite spot to stop, breathe and enjoy life?
00:06:39:06 - 00:06:51:07
Molly DeFrank
I'm going to say the beach. Okay. I love being at the beach, watching my kids play drink in a sparkling water. I love Lacroix Ice cold here in the waves. It's the best.
00:06:51:15 - 00:07:10:05
Wayne Mulder
It's perfect. And living here in Florida, I definitely agree with you. I find that question always elicits either the beach or the mountains. That seems to be the two answers to that question. So, Molly, tell us a little bit about yourself. Sounds like you've done some interesting things, like being a press aide and obviously you have a house full of kids.
00:07:10:05 - 00:07:13:17
Wayne Mulder
So just a little bit about your story and what brought you to this point.
00:07:14:09 - 00:07:36:12
Molly DeFrank
Yeah, you know, born and raised in Southern California and went up to college in Northern California where we met, Who would David, who would become my husband. And shortly after we got I got married like a week after we graduated college. And then he went to law school and I worked for Governor Schwarzenegger and his press office, which was a really great experience.
00:07:36:21 - 00:07:56:19
Molly DeFrank
And lots of really cool things there. And so I worked for several years and then we started having kiddos and I quit my job after my second and was born and stayed home with them was a really difficult transition from working to stay at home motherhood, which I know I always I always wanted to be a stay at home mom, but it was harder than I thought.
00:07:56:19 - 00:08:16:02
Molly DeFrank
It would be in all in all of really like very redemptive ways, you know, long term. But, you know, it's hard to see that when you're not getting any sleep and you're changing diapers all day and all that. But fast forward, we had four kids in about five years, five and a half years, and then we became foster parents.
00:08:16:02 - 00:08:34:05
Molly DeFrank
We knew we wanted to care for orphans in some capacity. And for us, that looked like opening our home to foster kids. So we've been doing that for about four or five years. And now we have six kids in our home. We have four biological kids. We just adopted number six it back in July and we are a busy people.
00:08:35:03 - 00:09:00:00
Molly DeFrank
So, yeah, we I wrote this book Digital Detox after, you know, for years I gave my kids these digital devices, electronic entertainment and same stuff that I thought that I enjoyed as a kid. I thought, Well, yeah, I play video games after school. I love Sonic the Hedgehog, Mario Brothers, Saturday morning cartoons, all of that. And so I thought, well, this is the same, I'm giving it to next gen for the next generation.
00:09:00:00 - 00:09:29:06
Molly DeFrank
And I didn't appreciate how it was different. I didn't understand why it was bringing out the worst in my kids, why they were arguing next level arguments. And so a couple of years ago, three years ago, we unplugged all of our kids digital entertainment and we saw total transformation, our kids. And so since then, I've been helping other families break through from feeling stuck by it, feeling trapped and bogged down by it to enjoy more connection as a family, finally finding that ideal balance of technology and home.
00:09:29:13 - 00:09:44:19
Molly DeFrank
And it's really gratifying, honestly, to help these families. They're all coming back telling me this changed your life, this changed our home. I'm so glad. So that's what I do now. Mostly the mom thing. And then in the pocket in between, I'm helping other families break free from this.
00:09:45:12 - 00:09:57:19
Wayne Mulder
Which is so important. And I've got tons of questions about the actual process and so forth. A couple more just some general questions for you. You talk a lot about your faith. Did you grow up in the church then or so?
00:09:57:19 - 00:10:11:19
Molly DeFrank
I grew up Catholic and I went to Catholic school. My parents went to Catholic school. They raised, as I went through the whole all of the, you know, confirmation, all the sacraments. And in high school, I started going to this church. I don't know if you heard of Francis Chan.
00:10:12:00 - 00:10:13:11
Wayne Mulder
I have.
00:10:13:11 - 00:10:33:12
Molly DeFrank
So, yeah, pretty, pretty big deal. All his church was getting started in Simi Valley. That's where I grew up. And my brother started going. And, you know, we considered ourselves, our family, kind of religious. We went to church every Sunday. We weren't casual Catholics here. And but I watched my brother, this guy, go from like a party animal to he started going to church.
00:10:33:12 - 00:10:36:16
Molly DeFrank
I think he started going to bring his church because he heard there were cute girls there.
00:10:37:03 - 00:10:40:11
Wayne Mulder
And that is usually a reason guys will start going after teenagers.
00:10:41:10 - 00:10:56:12
Molly DeFrank
But this crazy thing happened where all of a sudden he started change like his personality changed in the best way. Like instead of being kind of this punk kid, this party animal, he had like, a warrant and like a genuine care about the people around him. He started talking about Jesus. And I'm like, What is going on with this guy?
00:10:56:16 - 00:11:13:18
Molly DeFrank
Like, I go to church, too. That's not how I am. I'm not like that. My faith doesn't permeate every aspect of my daily living. I don't get it. And so I was asking questions. I started going to that church. I sort of began to understand finally that the gospel is not separate. It's not like a compartmentalized part of my life.
00:11:13:18 - 00:11:27:04
Molly DeFrank
It it is the foundation. And so that's probably high school is when I think I really understood what Jesus did for me and how that is mean to everything. And that's yeah, totally transformed my life.
00:11:27:04 - 00:11:41:21
Wayne Mulder
So I love that. Yeah. And thank you so much for your testimony because I think that's important and it's going to feed into some questions I'm going to ask you a little bit later. So the other question I have to ask you before we get into discussing the book, because you know somebody is thinking it, are you against technology?
00:11:41:21 - 00:11:43:02
Wayne Mulder
Do you hate technology?
00:11:44:02 - 00:12:05:11
Molly DeFrank
Noah, I'm so glad you asked me that. I actually and I only mentioned this in the afterword, but I grew up in Southern California. My dad was a television writer and producer. He wrote, I don't know how old your listeners are, but he actually produced or wrote the movie back to School with Rodney Dangerfield, and that's what brought him out to California in the first place.
00:12:05:11 - 00:12:24:07
Molly DeFrank
He grew up in Pittsburgh, but we have a huge respect for not only technology but digital entertainment. We really enjoy that. My dad's line of work put food on the table and sent me to college. So I have tremendous respect for the power of story and even television. We love good sitcoms. We love watching The Office. We just started introducing that to my Junior Higher.
00:12:24:22 - 00:12:53:15
Molly DeFrank
So there are so many great parts of technology that we get to enjoy. What I found was that too much of it has seeped in over the last couple of decades and filled every single gap, every single quiet space, every place where we used to practice boredom as as kids. It's all been filled with digital entertainment. And so I found that and most parents do find that, tweaking it every day, you know, taking away some screen time from your kids, adding some back for good behavior.
00:12:53:15 - 00:13:09:03
Molly DeFrank
It's not fixing the problems that we're seeing. It's not fixing the tantrums. It's not fixing the sibling fighting. It's not fixing the attention problems at school. And it wasn't until we did something radical that we found the transformation we wanted. And the goal of the book isn't to take it all the way forever. It's just to put it in its right place.
00:13:09:09 - 00:13:20:19
Molly DeFrank
It's to find the balance that works for you and your home so that tech is working for you. You're not feeling enslaved to it. So that's the whole goal of this process. It's to find that right balance.
00:13:21:06 - 00:13:36:19
Wayne Mulder
Which is awesome, and I think that is exactly the point and we'll get into it. I've got a little bit more on what to say on that, but I'll get to that here in a second. So how big is the problem? So you did some research for this book. How big is the problem that you're seeing or can you describe the problem that you're seeing?
00:13:37:14 - 00:14:11:23
Molly DeFrank
Oh, yeah. When it is enormous. So we did our detox before COVID and some of the research I found was even before COVID hit, we were in the midst of the worst youth mental health crisis we had ever seen anxiety, depression through the release. There is a researcher and professor out at San Diego State. She's been studying trends in generations over the last 60 or so years, and she says that mental health, it's like a tsunami after about 2010, 2011, and she looked through and passed out.
00:14:12:10 - 00:14:39:11
Molly DeFrank
Well, what what was going on then? Like what happened? And she found that it was the year, the year that more than half of the population had a smartphone as an appendage, that we suddenly had this reliant as a society on these devices. And she wouldn't even deeper and saw that, gosh, kids are getting an hour less of face to face, face to face socialization with peers and friends per day than they used to get just a generation ago.
00:14:39:21 - 00:15:02:18
Molly DeFrank
And that is catastrophic to mental health. So this was all happening before COVID hit. Okay. We were already kids were already struggling. They're already having a hard time. ADHD diagnoses were through the roof compared to before kids were struggling. And then COVID happened and everyone was forced online. And so that limited social interaction kids were already having, it was like dumping gasoline on a fire.
00:15:03:00 - 00:15:08:09
Molly DeFrank
And what we saw over COVID during COVID, I know things are probably a lot better in Florida than they were out here in California.
00:15:08:10 - 00:15:09:11
Wayne Mulder
We're a little different. Yes.
00:15:11:03 - 00:15:30:23
Molly DeFrank
We've actually had friends moved to Florida, so it sounds like a lovely place to live. But you know what? We saw was that kids screen time and I'm just talking digital entertainment. I'm not talking school. I'm not talking texting friends. Digital entertainment doubled for 12 year olds. So kids went from spending 4 hours a day being digitally entertained to 8 hours a day.
00:15:31:07 - 00:15:52:03
Molly DeFrank
That is a full time job worth of hours on digital entertainment. Now, if this was neutral technology or if this was like a neutral activity, we could shrug it off. But we know that it's not. We know that it's it's hurting our kids. And so so many parents are looking around going, well, that's what they're doing. I mean, how does my household compare with theirs?
00:15:52:03 - 00:16:08:15
Molly DeFrank
And we're comparing it to average. But that's not helpful because if what they're if what other people are seeing in their home is their kids are suffering, we don't want to we do want to match that. Right. We want to do what's best for our kids. So what I found in researching for the book, too, I read stacks of books across disciplines.
00:16:09:00 - 00:16:31:18
Molly DeFrank
You read from educators, principals, neurologists, psychiatrists. They are all reading this alarm and they have this unique vantage point depending on their discipline we saw that are actually The Wall Street Journal just did a series over the last couple of months over COVID e.r. Visits for eating disorders for our 12 to 17 year old girls doubled and.
00:16:31:22 - 00:16:32:08
Wayne Mulder
Interesting.
00:16:32:13 - 00:16:55:03
Molly DeFrank
E.r. visits for tick disorders. So those are disorders that these girls would come in looking like they have Tourette's, and then they look a little closer. They do these tests, they go, Oh, this isn't Tourette's. This is this like social contagion. And they discover that the underlying cause is number one, mental health. And number two, tick tock video exposure, both for the eating disorder issues and the tic disorders.
00:16:55:03 - 00:17:12:14
Molly DeFrank
It's exposure to these these tick tock videos that are young, impressionable girls are just watching it and they're developing they're mimicking it. So it is it is wild and it's hard to overstate the impact that too much and the wrong kind of digital entertainment is having on our on our kids.
00:17:13:12 - 00:17:34:23
Wayne Mulder
Yeah, it it was shocking. And it's one thing that you mentioned that really stood out to me when you talk about this number of hours, is that a lot of those figures are not including the number of hours that they're spending at school where it's more mandated that they're on a computer. In fact, we homeschooled my son, but it was through a program where you pretty much were at the computer all day.
00:17:34:23 - 00:17:59:01
Wayne Mulder
So, you know, you've got hours of sitting there on top of that. So on some of these estimates, 48 hours, I mean, it's literally 12 hour days, much like which sadly is my reality. This is one of those things because, yes, it's law enforcement, but in law enforcement, you have computers in every car. And then as a supervisor, you're monitoring your guys and girls all the time and approving reports.
00:17:59:01 - 00:18:15:06
Wayne Mulder
And so you're on a computer pretty much all day. And then if you decide you want to run a podcast, you're on a computer all the time and you're editing video and so forth. So when you give those figures and we talk about our kids, that's not including the amount of time that they're at school on screens as well.
00:18:15:06 - 00:18:15:21
Wayne Mulder
Is that correct?
00:18:16:17 - 00:18:39:05
Molly DeFrank
Yeah, absolutely. And it is really important to parse this out because sometimes, you know, you just listed a lot of uses of technology where it is a phenomenal tool for us to use that so great that we can connect with each other, for example, from coast to coast, live over this this computer and these microphones. It's a great use of technology and yet it can also bog us down.
00:18:39:05 - 00:18:57:08
Molly DeFrank
So these are really good conversations to have with our kids. But as you get older, technology can be wonderful tool and it can also be really sticky. You know, it's like food, like food. We eat food as fuel and it we need it. But also if we're eating dessert for every meal of the day, we're going to feel terrible.
00:18:57:08 - 00:19:17:23
Molly DeFrank
Our organs are going to be starving. After ten years, we might look okay if we're if we're staying calorically on put on point. But on the Internet, what's happening on the inside and with our kids and their brains, it's like, okay, there's an opportunity cost here, too. If our kids are spending all their time, they're spending hours every day numbing out on digital entertainment.
00:19:17:23 - 00:19:40:05
Molly DeFrank
What are they not doing? They're not running around outside. They're not going on the swings. They're not having back and forth conversation and pondering life's big questions. Another interesting thing I came across that's actually pretty alarming was occupational therapists are identifying a new condition they're calling virtual autism. And that is a condition that looks like autism in our young kids.
00:19:40:14 - 00:20:09:03
Molly DeFrank
But upon closer scrutiny, they'll see it's not actually autism. It's that these kids have been deprived of the sort of play and face to face interaction. They've just been numbed out on screen time. So they're developing the way that they should be. So these are things that parents like me and, you know, I just just to clarify, I don't think there's any shame in trying out new technology, especially technology that in the early 20 tens was marketed to us like, here's how you get your kids ahead, Here's how you create a future rocket scientist.
00:20:09:05 - 00:20:29:04
Molly DeFrank
The iPad came out in 2011 and it was like, this is what you do. This is the future. This is how to make smart kids. And meanwhile, something I didn't appreciate because I bought in, man, I bought my kids the tablets I was all about. Keep them quiet at the restaurants. Meanwhile, the the people who are creating this technology, they are the strictest parents when it comes to screen time.
00:20:29:04 - 00:20:49:13
Molly DeFrank
Steve Jobs would not let his kids near an iPad. A lot of these creators, the co-founder of Snapchat, he said, Oh, no, I limit my kid's screen time and it kills the imagination. So as parents, I think there's something there's nothing to be ashamed of here. If we've tried going down this rabbit hole we've tracked, we bought into the marketing, we see, Wow, that didn't really deliver.
00:20:49:22 - 00:20:56:02
Molly DeFrank
I'm seeing some negative effects and you're kind of correcting course. I think that's actually the mark of wisdom and maturity to try something new.
00:20:56:19 - 00:21:19:03
Wayne Mulder
Yeah, No, I. I think that's great. One more thing I want to bring up in the why portion only because it really registered with me and my situation is this whole thing where you talk about the dopamine rush when the whole fight or flight symptoms or that can happen, especially certain games and especially going to an older. So this was something that I went through with my son.
00:21:19:03 - 00:21:44:04
Wayne Mulder
My son's 20 years old now, but as he was an older teenager becoming a young adult, he loves the games that these young men like, which a lot of them are shooting games or military games, which at their face I don't have an issue with. However, what I'd be one of the things and him and I had a sit down conversation about is there was one particular game that he was playing where it was a shooting type scenario and they were involved in this gunfire and so forth.
00:21:44:13 - 00:22:03:24
Wayne Mulder
And then I started watching it. I realized that he immediately then played it again and then went back in and they're back in the shooting scenario and they're back in and back in. And I was like, Son, you got to understand that I've been in that real life event and a lot of the same body reactions that I went through, I'm seeing in him playing the video game.
00:22:04:11 - 00:22:23:00
Wayne Mulder
And yet we go through a debrief cycle afterwards. You talk to people, you know, this doesn't happen every night, thank God, You know, years go by, but you still even thinking about it, go back into it. So I found that fascinating. Could you tell us a little bit about your research on what you saw when you talk about this fight or flight and the dopamine?
00:22:23:00 - 00:22:43:20
Molly DeFrank
RUSH Yeah, I really appreciate that what you just shared. That's really interesting. I hadn't really thought about that, but but yes, to speak to the dopamine and this is something I did not know when we talked to our kids, but in researching for the book I put in both the practical help and the facts, why it works, what's going on with the dopamine.
00:22:43:20 - 00:23:12:15
Molly DeFrank
So here's what I learned. And it's it's essentially that, you know, the brain is wired to release dopamine that feel good chemical, that neurotransmitter when we experience anything pleasurable. So now our kids games, their apps, their devices are wired to release excessive amounts of dopamine in the brain. These Silicon Valley engineers have taken what we know about the brain, about dopamine, and they've exploited it and baked it into the devices.
00:23:12:15 - 00:23:34:02
Molly DeFrank
I mean, it's essentially the same technology that is used in a casino on those machines. It's variable reward systems where, you know, they know that if they if it varies different, like when you get the the thing you're looking for, it, it creates more dopamine, more of a dopamine rush. So that's one of the tactics they use to keep our kids scrolling, tapping, playing.
00:23:34:16 - 00:23:55:14
Molly DeFrank
Well, the problem with that is there's such a high amount of dopamine getting released in our kids brains that receptors, dopamine receptors are numbing out. And now we're in the situation where, like any addictive cycle, it takes more dopamine for our kid to experience the same amount of enjoyment of pleasure that they once used to get from less dopamine.
00:23:55:20 - 00:24:20:04
Molly DeFrank
So what does how does that affect us in real life? Okay, this is why your kids complain of boredom when there's not a screen involved. If you say, go outside and play, take a break from school, play a puzzle, go talk to the neighbor, and they say, No, that's boring. Okay? It's not entirely their fault. There is a physiological change happening in their brain and it is making those things feel boring by comparison to their video games.
00:24:20:04 - 00:24:38:21
Molly DeFrank
So that's what's going on. It's happening inside. The other thing that you brought up too, was the adrenaline, the fight or flight stuff. So when our kids are playing these games, like you mentioned, those first person shooter games, you know, whatever it is, even the Infinite Runner games that my kids used to love their getting kicked into lots of adrenaline fight or flight mode.
00:24:39:01 - 00:24:55:02
Molly DeFrank
So when you tell that when the screen timer dings, even if you allow another 10 minutes, another 30 minutes, you extend it, you think, okay, this will stave off that tantrum that inevitably follows after the timer goes off and then you find the timer goes off with the extension of time and they're still falling apart. And you're like, what in the world?
00:24:55:10 - 00:25:17:01
Molly DeFrank
Well, it's because they're amped up in fight or flight mode and those dopamine levels are through the roof. Now the timer dings that the device goes off. You take it away. You're watching a dopamine crash in real time. If you've wondered why your kid there, sibling fights are like next level WWE. That is why they are totally amped up inside those brains.
00:25:17:01 - 00:25:29:13
Molly DeFrank
So you're not alone. If you're looking at your kids, you're going, My kids are incredible, wonderful kids, but I'm not seeing the best of them right now. There's something else going on. There's a good chance it's related to their devices.
00:25:30:18 - 00:25:53:07
Wayne Mulder
Yeah, I found that fascinating. And when I read that, that was one of the biggest takeaways of this book is just looking back over my son growing up. And then my wife had some older kids and just seeing you know, these. And what's another thing that was really interesting to me is one thing that your book points out is how these things have changed because like you said, there were there were games.
00:25:53:07 - 00:26:12:03
Wayne Mulder
In fact, my dad was a draftsman. And so we always had the newest, the best computer in the house. But in the eighties and nineties, like, it wasn't the only thing I did. In fact, I laughed out loud when I read in your book talking about quicksand, because much like the muscle, like the comedian has said, being a child of the eighties and nineties, I thought quicksand was going to be a much bigger deal than it's become.
00:26:12:18 - 00:26:33:16
Wayne Mulder
But, but it it's funny, the things we concentrated on compared to what the games and so forth are now. So you start seeing these signs and you decide that you want to go down this detox road. So what did you do and how did that go over with your husband and with the kids and kind of take us to that moment?
00:26:33:16 - 00:26:56:19
Molly DeFrank
Yeah, well, you know, it was several years leading up to this when I like I mentioned earlier, I gave my kids all those devices. I enjoyed video gaming as a kid. I enjoyed television as a kid. My parents weren't super strict about it. And so I assumed, yeah, this is just the same thing for my kids. And I would always get these nudges over time, like when the screen timer went off and the kids would melt down.
00:26:56:19 - 00:27:18:04
Molly DeFrank
I'm like, Wow, they are like zombies. They are something else is going on. But life moves quickly. And so we'd move to the next activity and whatever. But the things that I was trying wasn't working. The, you know, 1 to 2 hours a day limits. I was still seeing negative effects. And it it bothered me. And it wasn't until I got home one day for running errands, I walked in the door.
00:27:18:05 - 00:27:32:19
Molly DeFrank
One of my kids greeted me like this. Can I play on your phone? And I'm like, What in the heck are you serious? And it puts it in bad taste in my mouth that I called my husband. I'm like, Hey, man, I think we need to pull the plug. I think we just need to go all the way.
00:27:33:01 - 00:27:48:17
Molly DeFrank
And he's like, I am so with you, let's do it. You're the one who has it. Was staying home with them. I was homeschooling two kids at the time. We had two three year olds. A new foster placement. It was not the timing wasn't ideal. If you're waiting for ideal timing, it's not going to come. But I'd had had, I'd had it.
00:27:48:17 - 00:28:05:17
Molly DeFrank
And so we told the kids at dinner that night, we're like, Hey, guys, we love you so much and we know you love your games. We're going to try something new for a little while. It's not a punishment. We're just going to try this thing. We're going to take all of it away, all the bikes, all the iPads, all the, you know, video games.
00:28:06:08 - 00:28:11:16
Molly DeFrank
We're taking a break. And they lost their minds. There was a lot of crying, right? Oh, yeah.
00:28:11:16 - 00:28:13:10
Wayne Mulder
I can imagine it was.
00:28:13:10 - 00:28:27:03
Molly DeFrank
I mean, my three oldest kids, that was their favorite hobby is each a different video game. And so, you know, you hold your ground as a parent, but on the inside, I'm like, oh, no, what have I done? I just signed up for my husband. Between my husband and I, we looked at the calendar. I'm like, I can hang for two weeks.
00:28:27:06 - 00:28:42:10
Molly DeFrank
That's all I got in me. If it if there are going to be these kind of tenders. But we didn't tell the kids. It was two weeks. I was in mid-February when we started and we're like I to do it. And I was terrified after I broke the news to them, I'm like, This is going to be two weeks of them crying in my face.
00:28:42:15 - 00:29:02:16
Molly DeFrank
How are we going to live? But what actually happened was the opposite. My kids, we will they woke up the next morning and they started playing with their toys because they knew asking for a screen was not an option. And when they would hit those walls of boredom, they would think of something else to do, because that's because we made it clear to them, like, do not ask us.
00:29:02:16 - 00:29:19:11
Molly DeFrank
If you ask us, that will be annoying to us because we've told, you know, in advance, So you'll probably just get a door so don't ask us. And they didn't. They played with the toys they had. They played with each other. They played for longer or more independently. And it was two weeks like that. My kids were calmer, they were more attentive.
00:29:19:17 - 00:29:36:12
Molly DeFrank
They got along better, they were gotten. Their creativity exploded. And at the end of the two weeks, my husband David and I looked at each other and were like, Why would we reintroduce that right now? So we extended our detox longer until we made a long term plan where we worked the best part back in.
00:29:36:21 - 00:30:01:10
Wayne Mulder
Right, which I think is the important part, and I love how you did it. Just to clarify for anyone listening this and this questioning, when you say detox, you're talking everything as far as digital, with maybe the exception of like their school, you know, if they were on some sort of digital device for school. But you're talking television, you're talking social apps because I'm sure the era, the world we're in right now, people compartmentalize all this stuff.
00:30:01:10 - 00:30:14:19
Wayne Mulder
So they're like, why detox from social or I detox from I don't watch a lot of TV might be a statement they make, but they're on their phone the same time they used to be on television. So for the purpose of this conversation, when you say detox, you mean everything I do.
00:30:14:20 - 00:30:37:09
Molly DeFrank
Yes, that's absolutely right. That's a critical part of the detox. That said, the book is really directed at parents of kids up to like 12 or 13. So it's very simple when you have young kids to take all of the digital entertainment off the table, it's very it's pretty clean cut. They don't need a lot of digital. They don't really need any digital entertainment.
00:30:38:10 - 00:31:03:11
Molly DeFrank
You might find that if they're going to school, their teachers uses digital devices, PowerPoint, whatever, in the classroom. That's okay. We did not go into school in March and say, My kid must be exempt from all of your lessons. Like that would be kind of extra. So we didn't do that. But you know, when you're looking at older kids and we there are two main changes you do for for older, if you're talking about those like tweens and teens and older, it does get a little trickier.
00:31:04:16 - 00:31:24:00
Molly DeFrank
You know, these are kids where the older we get, the world we're living in, devices become a lot more integrated in our lives. And the goal here is not to cut off connection from their friend is actually to amp up connection with their friends. So you may need to get creative with those older kids and also with your younger kids.
00:31:24:00 - 00:31:45:11
Molly DeFrank
You can kind of declare a detox with those older kids. The parents role has sort of changed from this pure authority figure to mentor and coach trainer. It's tapering off as they head out and that's good. So I recommend that parents, if you've got teams and kind of present this more, is like a beckoning like, hey, we're going to try this challenge.
00:31:45:11 - 00:32:05:07
Molly DeFrank
What do you think about that? Tell me this. Have you ever noticed that like you're with your friends but they're not paying attention to you? Like, how did that make you feel? You know, kind of with their appetite for share some of the data with them and and so kind of invite them in. You can even up the stakes for your older kids by throwing in some cash and saying, let's see if you can make it two weeks.
00:32:05:07 - 00:32:21:15
Molly DeFrank
I'll pay you 20 bucks, you know, like a Biggest Loser type challenge, make it more fun, more invitational. That said, if you're if your older kids are not on board with this and they're like, yeah right crazy person. I am not into that. You know, I'm talking like 1718 year old. They're kind of making you just you could say, okay, that's fine.
00:32:22:09 - 00:32:37:06
Molly DeFrank
We're doing this for being with younger siblings. We also are doing it as a household and who pays the Internet? The router is going off at 16. So just so yeah, you don't have to participate. It's your choice. But there's money in sick and life is going up. You know what I mean? So you can kind of make it your own.
00:32:37:20 - 00:32:42:00
Molly DeFrank
But those are just some some major differences between young kids and their kids.
00:32:42:12 - 00:33:16:10
Wayne Mulder
No, I love it. And I think looking back, which is what I did a lot in your book, I really liked how you go over that, because as one who may or may not have broken the knife on one of my sons, the intentionally the this was a constant battle. And I like the way that you in battles maybe not the right word, but I like the way that you define or go through dealing with the older teenagers and some of the ways to set the restrictions or make it more of a challenge, something we can do together, which is going to lead to a different question here in a minute.
00:33:16:10 - 00:33:41:22
Wayne Mulder
But let me something I want to bring up at this point that you mentioned that I think is powerful and really good, and I want everyone to get the book again. It's digital detox, the two week reset for kids, and you're going to have to read the book in order to see everything. But something I want to ask about is you talk about family's guiding principles and you do that early on as kind of where how you gear this is coming from, those family guiding principles.
00:33:41:22 - 00:33:51:18
Wayne Mulder
And I think that's something powerful that we a lot of people don't have. In fact, a lot of people don't have life missions. A lot of people don't go down these roads at all. So can you just take us to what you mean by that and what that is?
00:33:51:18 - 00:34:15:07
Molly DeFrank
Yeah, absolutely. I the culture that we're living in, it's just it's moving so quickly. We're so inundated with noise and information and it's easy to just kind of get through the days and without sort of an overarching purpose. So what I like to do is have parents clarify at the beginning of the book, you know, what are what do we want to accomplish here while our kids are under our roof?
00:34:15:13 - 00:34:33:01
Molly DeFrank
What do we want when our kids move out? What do we want them to say? Were the principles that guided their home? And for us, the example I give is I want our kids to know that we love God and we love people. That's what that's what defines our home. Sometimes we need to sacrifice our own comfort in order to pursue those things.
00:34:34:08 - 00:35:05:03
Molly DeFrank
What do you want to impart on your kids? And so so when you get that sort of big picture clarity, you can kind of work backwards from there and make sure that your days are are kind of building towards something. It's going to be perfect. Perfect parenting isn't a thing, unfortunately for anyone. And I think part of why we've kind of bought into this digital everything numbing our kids out is because we we bought into this lie that quiet, peaceful conflict free is a thing and it's not.
00:35:05:10 - 00:35:24:12
Molly DeFrank
And so we kind of think if we just hand over the device, we get some quiet and everything is fine. If our kids are quiet in their room, they're fine. Well, that's not the world we're living in anymore. If our kids have wi fi access, they're, you know, there are no sensors. When we were growing up, it was like you couldn't access garbage very easily.
00:35:24:13 - 00:35:46:22
Molly DeFrank
You know, It's like, right. There are some squiggly channels, you know, but not really. And now a third of all Internet downloads are pornographic, right? There are no parameters for our kids. So that's why it's so important, especially, you know, to start early on this thing and and teach our kids this is what is true. This is what is right.
00:35:46:22 - 00:36:20:19
Molly DeFrank
This is what we believe as a family. And we're just there's so much garbage out there. There are so many there's so many narratives in this world where it's like, up is down, down is up. Right? Is last and horrible. And the truth about law enforcement do it just backwards and wrong. And so to be able to kind of take a minute and and reassess like how much information is coming in as our young kids are formulating these worldviews and we have this tremendous privilege of being the ones to help teach them what is true and what is not true and right and wrong.
00:36:20:19 - 00:36:43:23
Molly DeFrank
And so we've got to seize those years. Some of my favorite parenting authors, Clay and Sally Clarkson, they they've observed over teaching parenting classes for years and years that the most powerful window of influence parents have are between the kids ages 4 to 14. And so they were saying, you really got to seize that window and really tune in with your kids.
00:36:43:24 - 00:36:59:17
Molly DeFrank
And unfortunately, those those kids are getting so much digital entertainment. They're being shaped and influenced those worldviews by whoever is on the other side of that device. But it's time if you want to take that back. I want to help you do that as parents. So so that's really why I wrote the book.
00:37:00:04 - 00:37:11:18
Wayne Mulder
It's awesome. Very powerful. When you use the word detox, you're not for those first two weeks. You're not simply talking cutting back. You mean a detox, In other words, to go without, Is that correct?
00:37:12:12 - 00:37:13:05
Molly DeFrank
That's correct.
00:37:14:05 - 00:37:31:17
Wayne Mulder
How important is that? Because I'm sure there's a I'm sure somebody is listening. This is like, yeah, well, I just cut back on this. Or if I just if they just do an hourglass that's going to work or it's the same end result, especially since after the two weeks your or for whatever it becomes for that person, they're going to decide to bring something back in.
00:37:31:17 - 00:37:36:23
Wayne Mulder
Well, I'm just skipping that middle step. I'm just getting to the end goal. How important is the actual detox portion?
00:37:37:14 - 00:38:00:00
Molly DeFrank
Yeah, it is critical, especially for your youngest kids, because these are kids who who need to practice the art of hitting that boredom wall and negotiating their own boredom. These are kids who are their creativity is just waiting to explode. But if they know if I asked for screen time, if I hit that boredom all and I asked, Can I use my screen time?
00:38:00:00 - 00:38:19:14
Molly DeFrank
And the answer is yes, they're what are they not getting to experience? You know, what are they not creating? And we know that there's actually a pruning that happens in those neural pathways of the brain, both in like early childhood, around four and five, I think, if I remember correctly. And then also in the teen years where if the connections aren't used, they're lost.
00:38:19:23 - 00:38:35:08
Molly DeFrank
So if whatever our kids are practicing a lot for several hours a day, they will get better at those things. And whatever they're not doing, you know, the ability there's a you know, you think about how foreign languages are easier for young kids to learn. You've Probably heard that.
00:38:35:15 - 00:38:35:24
Wayne Mulder
Oh yeah.
00:38:36:09 - 00:39:06:03
Molly DeFrank
And it's the same for for other things. So if our teenagers are practicing classical piano for several hours a day, they're going to be phenomenal at that. If they're practicing lots of gaming and social media, they're going to be that's what they're training their brains to do. So yes, I recommend cold turkey. You're really giving your kids so much more than you're taking away, because what you're giving them is opportunities to learn a skill, a talent, an interest they have, and ultimately the hope is that they they continue to hone those things.
00:39:06:15 - 00:39:27:11
Molly DeFrank
They go out into the world and they're blessing the people around them with those things rather than turning inward and creating this world where they're just accommodating self. It's all about it's all about me. It's all about, you know, how do I make this perfect little pod where I'm entertained and I'm no doubt And if I'm bored, then I'm going to, you know, and versus sitting, you know, what are you going to.
00:39:27:11 - 00:39:34:20
Molly DeFrank
Oh, you like to bake While you can bless the neighbor with that, we need this human, human connection. And our kids, if we're numbing them out, they're not going to get that.
00:39:35:15 - 00:39:55:22
Wayne Mulder
Yeah, powerful. And one of the things I want to point out to what you're saying right there that you state in the book, it's not about solely taking away. In fact, really, it's the opposite. It's going over. How can in fact, you have a lot of great resources in the book. That's why everybody needs to get it. That talks about the things you can do to fill that time and interests that kids might have.
00:39:55:22 - 00:39:59:07
Wayne Mulder
And a lot of it's all split up to being age appropriate and so forth, correct?
00:40:00:02 - 00:40:27:20
Molly DeFrank
Absolutely. Yeah. I want to make this very accessible for parents. I know we've probably all seen those like Pinterest accounts and fancy craft boxes and all these things, all these like organized pantries and craft cupboards that we think, okay, if I'm taking away the screens, then I better be like, No, you do not have to be like any sort of type of parent in order to in order to fuel your kids screen free interests.
00:40:27:20 - 00:40:52:24
Molly DeFrank
Like I believe I'm a person of faith. I believe that God paired, you with your child on purpose, He paired your unique gifting with their unique needs and gifting, and you are exactly the person to help them through this day and age. With the digital entertainment up to our eyeballs, you are there to meet them where they're at and help study them and feed those interests and help cultivate them.
00:40:53:04 - 00:41:19:00
Molly DeFrank
Now, one thing I want to dispel really quick, some parents will say, Well, gosh, I'm busy. I get home from work, I'm exhausted. Like I use this is to give me a break. I need a break. Parents, 100%. You need a break. Like this is not helicopter parenting. This is not like entertain your kids all day. In fact, we actually enjoyed more breaks as parents, my husband and I, This blew our mind after our detox than we did before.
00:41:19:07 - 00:41:52:02
Molly DeFrank
And the reason for that is once your kids learn to and practice the art of negotiating their boredom and creating and imagining, those things will grow. And then they their attention spans get bigger, their interests expand. They learn how to troubleshoot and work together as friends, as neighbors, as siblings. And so those periods of time that you get, they grow those breaks so well on the front end, their attention spans might be dinky small because they've been numbed out.
00:41:52:02 - 00:42:19:03
Molly DeFrank
They haven't had to practice because you look at your kid, a lot of parents will look at their kids and say, look at him focusing on his iPad. Look at that focus. It's teaching him to pay attention. That is not true. That is the look of overstimulation. You're actually degrading their ability to sustain attention. So so even if the first couple of days of that detox period are difficult, you're giving them skills that they're going to use for the rest of their lives.
00:42:19:03 - 00:42:38:13
Wayne Mulder
Yeah, no. And I love in the myth section that you have where you point out a lot of these things, that's a lot of that. It's powerful because it is exactly the opposite of what you always think and what you always heard. Because I've heard exactly that same thing. Oh, they lose focus, but it's like, well, then why is this focus not actually applying to anything other than devices?
00:42:38:13 - 00:43:00:03
Wayne Mulder
That doesn't logically make sense to me. To that end, another thing you bring up that I think is really missing and part of why I'm bringing it up and I love one of the quotes you have in there. That's also why I'm going there. So you have this acronym, Undo the tech trance, which the listeners are going to have to get the book Digital Detox, the two week reset for kids in order to know the entire acronym.
00:43:00:12 - 00:43:20:01
Wayne Mulder
But the OH is open the books and I like how you kind of get back to this idea of reading because I really think it's missing. And there's a quote in there that says, A child who doesn't enjoy books is a child who has not met his genre. And as an avid reader myself and one who participated in the library contests every summer growing up because there was nothing else to do, it was either going to be sports.
00:43:20:07 - 00:43:32:18
Wayne Mulder
I grew up in Indiana, so you were going to either play basketball at the park, which you did all the time, and then you read like that's literally the things that I primarily did. So can you comment just a little bit on reading and how that is an important component of this?
00:43:33:16 - 00:43:53:07
Molly DeFrank
Absolutely. I am a convert to this idea that you can create a bookworm out of any child. I used to think some kids enjoy reading for pleasure and some kids don't, and that's just the way it is. But I promise you, you can make a bookworm out of any kid. I know I have six kids. Some of them will read whatever book you hand them.
00:43:53:12 - 00:44:20:14
Molly DeFrank
Some of them it it takes work to get these kids to match me, to figure out what is their genre, what am I, kiddos? During our detox, I went to the library like three or four times and like, what are you into? Let's try this book. Your sibling loves this. No, I wasn't into it. Okay? I tried another one over and over, and it wasn't until we got non children's nonfiction books about, like facts or joke books because this kid's attention span was dinky tiny.
00:44:20:24 - 00:44:49:02
Molly DeFrank
And those don't books. Those fact books really helped him see, gosh, I get gratification out of like two lines. Or if I read this and share this joke with someone, like, that's pretty cool. I've shared something fun with them. They enjoy it, and then we can build from there. So when I still to this day, it takes a little bit of work, but you know, I'll sit down if I'm trying to stretch a kid into the next kind of reading level, I'll get a book that we know is good from the library and we'll read it aloud together.
00:44:49:02 - 00:45:15:18
Molly DeFrank
Taking turns. And now they're into now you're taking the work out for them where they don't have to sound out the words. They don't have to focus so hard. They just get to enjoy the story and the benefits of this are it's really hard to overstate. This isn't also like extra difficult for parents. I find that reading aloud to my kids is perfect for when I'm out of, you know, coherent thoughts or really great lessons to impart.
00:45:15:19 - 00:45:36:21
Molly DeFrank
I'm just like, all you have to do is give them a snack so their mouths are full and you read a great story to them and they're calming down and you're sharing like a home culture, a great moral to whatever story you've chosen. And there's a lot of really quality books. I have several recommendations in the book, too, for you to get reluctant readers hooked on books.
00:45:37:12 - 00:45:56:16
Molly DeFrank
I've seen this transform older kids to kids from foster care, foster teens we've had in our home just taking a library, sitting with them, talking about these stories. They get sucked into these books and it builds empathy in our kids. It helps them put their feet in someone else's shoes. One of my favorites is a Long Walk to Water.
00:45:56:24 - 00:46:17:22
Molly DeFrank
It's about this kid in Africa who it's very short. It's like 100 pages who has to walk like 6 hours a day barefoot to get water for their family. And it's like my kid. I mean, he prayed at dinner one night. My nine year old was like, Wow, Lord, thank you for this food and thank you that I don't have to walk barefoot to get water for my family.
00:46:17:22 - 00:46:35:09
Molly DeFrank
I'm like, Well, this is a win is awesome. Like, you know, just showing them like different people live differently and getting outside yourself. So there's so many benefits and it's accessible. It's not those like homeschool Pollyanna families only like this is accessible to every family.
00:46:36:18 - 00:46:55:11
Wayne Mulder
And that's a point you in fact, when I get to all the questions I have on that because it really does drive that point home, a couple of things that I really like is not only the idea of reading to your kids and so forth, but even you talk about when you bring tech back in, things you can do together, like movie night, maybe playing Mario Kart as a family, those kind of things.
00:46:55:11 - 00:47:14:19
Wayne Mulder
So it really is the opposite of taking something away. It's really you hear it all the time and you hear it in the Christian community. You hear it. And just right now, society as a whole, well, we've gotten away from the family we've gotten away from. We just don't spend time together at the dinner table. Well, these are ways that we're bringing that back in some sense.
00:47:14:19 - 00:47:26:16
Wayne Mulder
Maybe it isn't dinner at five with, you know, with all the maybe idealistic trappings that one might want. But this is a way that you're starting to bring that family time back together, which is the core of it.
00:47:27:19 - 00:47:54:09
Molly DeFrank
Yeah, absolutely. It's giving you those in-between moments back, which is exactly what we found, that those are the building blocks of family. It's relationship. It's face to face conversation. It's showing our kids they're fully known and fully loved by their mom or their dad. And that doesn't change. That doesn't change if they are going through an awkward phase, if they got acne and, you know, whatever is going on, even on their worst days, their parents are with them.
00:47:54:09 - 00:48:11:19
Molly DeFrank
They love them. And when the device is not on, I'll tell you my kitchen when I'm making dinner, it it fills up. Kids kind of just trickle in there. And after a couple of minutes of quiet, the real stuff on their heart will pour out like, Hey, this thing happened at school or Hey, how's this day? Like, do you think this joke is funny?
00:48:11:24 - 00:48:29:06
Molly DeFrank
And it's not those things that are kind of tangled up in their minds, in their hearts that they're kind of bringing that to mom and dad, and that's what we want them to bring it? So many kids today are just numbing out instead of processing their their junk. And I think that's a huge component behind the mental health crisis we're in.
00:48:29:16 - 00:48:38:17
Molly DeFrank
So we have this tremendous opportunity to parent our kids at this time, and we don't have to ring our hands. We just got to roll up our sleeves. It's very simple.
00:48:39:15 - 00:48:59:01
Wayne Mulder
No, it's very powerful. And I think it's not just kids, it's adults as well. When we talk about this processing side, one last question along this line that I want to ask you, because I know that somebody's listening there's going to be a little bit of kickback or angst around. Do you think parents need to participate in the detox as well?
00:49:00:00 - 00:49:25:01
Molly DeFrank
That's a great question. It's probably the one I get asked most often. And I'm going to be honest with you, When we did our detox, our kids were ten and under. My husband and I did not participate. No. That said, I wasn't scrolling on Instagram. My kids were staring at me. That would have been not cool. But at the you know, after they went to bed, at the end of the day, my husband and I would watch our show that we like to watch at the end of the so, you know, gauge it.
00:49:25:02 - 00:49:46:02
Molly DeFrank
Now, that said, if your kids are tweens or teens, you're going to need to choose and ask at least one aspect of your tech, tech entertainment. And you're going to need to detox alongside your kids because they care so much more about what we do than what we say as they get older, they're watching us. So I do recommend picking something, detoxing it with your kids, but you don't have to.
00:49:46:02 - 00:49:59:24
Molly DeFrank
If your kids are young, you don't have to. Although I trust you as a grown up to be mindful. Also, the last chapter in the book is about tech for mom and dad. If you do want to detox yourself, there are ways to modify it so that it's working for you. I did it with my friend. So anyway, that's in there too.
00:50:00:05 - 00:50:15:00
Wayne Mulder
Yes, it is. And there's a lot of good resources there. The other thing I want you to tell us a little bit about is what else they can find on the website. It looks like there is a quiz app, My Lady for Income. Can you just tell a little bit about the website and kind of what people can expect to find?
00:50:15:13 - 00:50:33:08
Molly DeFrank
Yeah, absolutely. Tons of free stuff on there. And there is a quiz if you want to get started, but you're not sure how to start, take the quiz on my website. MollyDeFrank.com. There's also a lot of free stuff so like 100 free ideas for screen free fun for your kids. You can go download those.
00:50:33:18 - 00:50:51:21
Molly DeFrank
There's also when you order the book, a bunch of other freebies you'll get access to like how to convince a skeptical spouse to do a digital detox. So that's a common problem for parents. They're like, I listen to this podcast, I want to do it. My spouse is not into it. Well, print this PDF, hand it over, Save yourself the marital strife.
00:50:52:05 - 00:51:05:07
Molly DeFrank
Let me Adam. And then another freebie is tech free table topics, 14 of them, one for every single night of your detox. Lots of other fun freebie stuff for you on their MollyDeFrank.com It's awesome.
00:51:05:07 - 00:51:24:02
Wayne Mulder
They definitely, definitely. I suggest everybody check that out. If you are a parent of kids, young kids, even older kids, and I will say obviously my son's an adult now, but I ran it as though he was still an older teenager and it's great, great feedback that you get. So I strongly suggest everybody to go that MollyDeFrank.com.
00:51:24:08 - 00:51:29:04
Wayne Mulder
Molly what is next for you? What is next for your mission and what what is next after this book?
00:51:30:01 - 00:51:49:06
Molly DeFrank
Yeah, that's a great question. You know what, right now I'm just focused on helping families with this. I get really encouraging messages from from moms often on on Instagram. They'll send me pictures of their kids doing screen free fun and they'll say, I cannot believe this. I can't. I heard people say I worked for them, but I didn't think you would work so quickly for me.
00:51:49:06 - 00:52:12:16
Molly DeFrank
So right now I'm I'm I'm still focused on this, but I think long term, you know, my heart is to is to help equip and encourage families to connect with each other, moms to connect with their kids, dads to connect with their kids. In a world that's increasingly disconnected, parents and families. We are. We are. There's so much power in the home and parents.
00:52:12:16 - 00:52:18:12
Molly DeFrank
We have so much influence on our kids. We just got to we got to use it. We got to take it back. So, yeah, that's.
00:52:19:03 - 00:52:40:07
Wayne Mulder
Right. I truly believe we can change the country if we get back to this principle of giving back to the families. So it's very, very powerful. Molly, thank you. I've got one final question for you before I let you go, because I ask everybody this question. So I have to ask you as well, what is the one takeaway, the one thing that law enforcement officers can do in their personal lives that's gonna make a difference in their personal lives?
00:52:40:07 - 00:52:42:06
Molly DeFrank
You go home and love your kids.
00:52:43:10 - 00:52:47:13
Wayne Mulder
I love it. Very simple. How can everyone connect with you.
00:52:48:09 - 00:52:56:12
Molly DeFrank
Molly? Tipranks.com, You can find me there. You can find me on Instagram and love sharing tips on there. And yeah, those are the best way is perfect.
00:52:56:12 - 00:53:00:01
Wayne Mulder
I'll have that all linked up in the show notes. Thanks again, Molly. Thank you so much for coming on.
00:53:00:15 - 00:53:07:02
Molly DeFrank
Thanks, Wayne.
00:53:07:02 - 00:53:26:16
Wayne Mulder
So thank you for watching or listening to this week's podcast. Every episode has full show notes with all the links, pictures, transcription and transcription of every episode. It's all available at the website on the blue line dot com for its last show notes. Or you can do it the easy way and just click the link. That's in the show notes on whatever platform you're watching or listening to this on.
00:53:26:23 - 00:53:50:13
Wayne Mulder
And it will take you straight to the show notes page for every episode. That is all for today. Don't forget that. I will see you next Monday in the morning. Roll call. I will see you next Thursday in the interview room. But in the meantime, I'm going to see you out there on the blue line.